Bad Day

I've had a shit day, and I feel like shit.

It's not even anything I can really put my finger on, I just feel really really bad.

Not getting on with number 1 daughter is always a problem - that makes me very jumpy for a start. And I know that in actual fact I have been blessed with a truly easy teenager compared to most, but I still find it hard. I'm sure the feeling is mutual - when we are not getting on she feels crappy too, but finding a way out of these things is always tough.

And today I spoke to him on the phone, for the first time in three weeks.. The love of my life. He who has left me. This must honestly be the longest break-up in the history of mankind. I can't understand why he keeps it going. Three times now I have said I can't do it anymore and we should say goodbye, and three times he has said that we can find a way through it, a way to still be friends.
Somebody just put it out of it's fucking misery and kill it!

Thats the other thing that has been a problem today. A kind of serene acceptance of impending death. Not the mad ranty oh god I want to die kind, but quieter, calmer.
I have always believed that suic!de is only possible when you are in a certain place, mentally. I feel like I'm getting there. I know I have to see out the exams, and sort stuff, but it feels nearer somehow, and that brings a weird (scary) kind of peace.

I shall phone the doctor in the morning.