... and there are things unknown
And in between are The Doors.
Number one daughter bought me a card with a picture of Jim Morrison on because I liked this quote on the back.
I think I've always been more scared of the doors than the other two.
I saw psych lady today. This was the first day she has seen me 'different.' She said the difference was unbelievable. For the first time I actually felt like we got somewhere. We have an agenda to work with. We talked about how the way I present to the world in a bad patch is actually the exact opposite of how I'm feeling - others might perceive me as hostile or angry, but in actual fact I'm terrified. I might say "fuck off" but what I desperately need is a hug. We talked about the fact I pick men who will ultimately make me feel more unlovable. We talked about the fact I need to 'reel it in a bit' as she said, as at the moment I'm going at 900 miles an hour and want to change the world.
She said I was bright enough to vary my meds and see what happens - try the 3rd Trazodone at night, or try going down to 2. See what works best.
It was a useful meeting. It doesn't mean I'm better - I'm still incredibly paranoid and unable to leave the house alone. Things are still not right - that's going to take a long time.
But if this was a physical illness they would have just moved me out of intensive care.
