Spin cycle

Yesterday didn't get any better, so I went to bed early.
Today isn't much better.
My mood is low, way low, and the washing machine got stuck on the spin cycle. It was on for four hours before anyone noticed.

On really bad ones I take sleeping pills during the day.
They don't make me sleep, they just numb it up a bit.

I don't know what's causing this.
The flash of how I used to be was tough -- remembering that I used to be normal, have a life and ambition and a purpose. I'd forgotten that I used to enjoy it, sometimes; being normal.

And the longer I go on missing him, the harder it gets. The fact he can just walk away, and not even think about me, gets harder every day instead of easier.

Yesterday I thought about killing myself again. Not in a really depressed howling sort of way. Just matter of fact. You know -- listing my options. And death was one of them. Hard to believe that everyone doesn't feel that way, but apparently they don't.

Maybe I was never that normal after all.