Gifted and Talented 2

He did good.
They were the youngest group taking part, and they hadn't done quite as much work as they should have done, so all in all I think they did ok. He said he was pleased he did it, he learned a lot, and he would do it again given the chance. I think that's a result.
Unfortunately he doesn't do stress too well, and he did get really nervous, and so now he is sick in bed with a high temperature and stuff.
I wonder if they do stress management courses for 13 year olds?

* * *
I'm on 3 Trazodone at night, plus everything else, so I'm back to pretty heavyweight side effects: pains in my legs, headaches, sore throat, and a kind of 'banking' effect when I try to walk in a straight line. That's on top of not being able to get my words out and sleeping for 18 hours a day.
The hard thing is that I don't know if they are actually doing any good now.
Now I'm away from he who left me, I might be fine.
Or I might be a million times worse.
I've read about this sort of thing -- pills work so symptoms subside so patient thinks they are fine so they stop taking pills so it all comes back.
It's fun being mad.

* * *
I keep wanting to text him or email him, just to tell him that I love him and I miss him. Then I think of how much he lied to me and I don't think I can get over that.
I asked him outright once, if I was right to trust him, and he told me I was.

I must be the most gullible woman on the planet.

Does that make me a bad mother, to let someone near my kids when clearly I didn't know them at all? Things could have been so much worse than just my feelings being hurt, my finances being fucked, my kids being let down and my mind being blown. We got off lightly (!).
After three years, I really thought it would be ok.
But I didn't know anything.

I know I should have asked more, but he never wanted to tell me anything (hint hint, you stupid woman) and I hated asking. I think that's a bpd thing. But I should have done it anyway, for the kids' sake.

Note to self: read about 'trust issues.'