Strange days

Yesterday went without a hitch.
Better than hitchless in fact - the CSA must really come into their own on 6/6/6 because they managed to get some money out of my ex. Crisis averted for a bit longer. Phew.

Today is a strange day.

I feel a growing sense of injustice, and that's not good.

Injustice and powerlessness are two things that really get to the core of me. I think I've read about the reasons for it in lots of places; something to do with being abused as a child - it doesn't matter what kind of abuse - physical, sexual, emotional, the result is the same.
So they are two things that really wind me up.

Having a bit more money suddenly increases my power - I'm not about to be thrown out on the street or have to eat the bread that the corner shop chucks out.

But my sense of injustice is growing.
He who left me got away with it all so lightly. He's not had to repay any of the money he cost me, he's not had to repair any of the damage he has done, he's not even had to explain things to the kids - I've had to do it all. He just walked away.

So, if he can break promises just like that, can I?

If he was talking to me, or communicating with me at all; if I felt any hint of him being sorry for what he has done, I think my need to even things up would be lessened. But there is nothing.
I am very calm, I'm not talking about a reckless spur-of the-moment revenge, but it really doesn't feel right to me that I'm the one who's paying for all this.

I don't want to get mad; I want to get even.