I've been thinking a lot over the last few days, about what my psychiatrist said.
I told him about what happened at Christmas, and he said I needed to be protected.
I need to be protected from any more swings in my mood as bad as that, he said.
No one has ever talked about protecting me before.
It has always been about protecting other people -- whether it is my kids or my wider family or just people around me, or even complete strangers, it has always been about protecting other people from me, not about protecting me.
I'm not saying that other people don't matter -- especially my kids, of course they do -- but the idea of protecting me is new, and strange, and made me want to cry, and thank him.