His breathing isn't great, and his balance seems to be off; three times today he has tried to jump up and misjudged where he is going and fallen. Also, I think he has a slight fever, which is worrying given that his immune system will be suppressed by the chemo.
So to compensate for my fears about him, I have been shopping.
I have been spending a huge amount of money that I don't have to try to make me feel better. My house is overrun with discarded Amazon boxes in every size and shape imaginable. Today we had to go to the tip to dump all the cardboard we have accumulated.
Last time this happened was when my dad died - seems to have kicked in early this time. Maybe that's because this time I know what's coming.
The really horrible bit is that it doesn't work. I wouldn't mind about all the debt if I actually felt any better, but I don't.
I just feel sad and poor.
