Code Red

We went to see the Da Vinci Code tonight.
It was tedious. It suffered, as he who left me would say, from rinky-dink syndrome. It just never knew when to stop.
But then neither did the book.
The thing I thought was weird was that it was supposed to be about the Sacred Feminine -- about how woman was paramount in Christianity and in history -- and yet the whole film consisted of a series of men explaining what was going on to a dumb (albeit not blonde) and uncomprehending woman. What would we do without them, eh girls?

I asked my son if he understood it all.
'Yes,' he said, 'up to the point where they thought that man had committed the murder.'
That was about four minutes into the film...

* * *

The good news was that I walked there and back.
In the outside.
With people about.
I had some Librium help, and some supportive kids with me, and it was still tough. But I did it. Evening is the hardest time for me to go out, so I'm pleased.
I had to be home before the sunset -- I couldn't bear to see that -- but I went out, and I was pleased.

* * *

I know I go on and on about he who left me, but I'm still finding it so hard. I'm sure normal people don't find it this hard. I just can't seem to reconcile the fact I love him so much with the way he hurt me. I couldn't hurt someone who loved me like that.
Maybe the two things are, simply, irreconcilable, but at the moment I am stuck there.
Something else I should talk to psych lady about.