It's been 11 days now since I lost my baby boy. It's so hard to be without him. There is a constant soundtrack in my head, just repeating "I want him back. I want him back. I want him back..."
But then I think about Buffy (for some bizarre reason!), and when her mom came back, but she came back wrong, and I don't want that for my baby.
I just hope it starts getting easier soon, because this is killing me.
In other news, my son has returned to uni, to a privately rented house where he is living with 3 friends. I don't care what people say about students; I think that the conditions they have to live in are appalling, and I think they do so well coping with that on top of studying and being away from home. My son is lucky - he has a really nice landlord and the house isn't too bad. At least - it's better than number one daughter's second year house. I wouldn't even step inside the door at that place.
Luckily, my son only has to cope with a bug infestation and dodgy plumbing...
And in other other news, number 2 daughter is "back" with her boyfriend. I say "back", but "back" consists of him screaming at her in the street and her slamming the door in her face. I have no idea why she chooses to live like this? She should be happy, in love, and being treated like a princess, not going through this shit every day.
But telling her that is the best way to make her stay with him.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
RIP, Mr Tobolowsky
My beloved best friend died last week. My goldie was diagnosed with lymphoma three months ago, just before the Jubilee weekend. We started chemo straight away, but it made no difference. I miss him with all my heart, and right now I cannot imagine ever not feeling this way.
I was with him right until the end, and I'm glad I could be there for him. I didn't think I could get through it, but in the end my only concern was that he didn't suffer. I loved him so much. I don't think I have ever loved anyone in my life as much as I loved him.
He was badly behaved; an absolute terror, who never learned to walk on a lead and even three days before he went he was attempting to grab an entire loaf in its wrapper off the worktop, or munch on a complete pack of bourbon biscuits. I wouldn't have had him any other way. He was loyal, devoted, and he made me smile. He was everything to me.
Canine lymphoma is a nasty, vicious disease. My vet said it usually takes the good ones, but I'm still angry. He was too lovely to go so soon - he was only 5. I can't help but feel that God has made a terrible mistake.
The only explanation is that my baby was an angel, lent to me for a while, and that God wanted him back.
Sleep well, my darling. I love you.
I was with him right until the end, and I'm glad I could be there for him. I didn't think I could get through it, but in the end my only concern was that he didn't suffer. I loved him so much. I don't think I have ever loved anyone in my life as much as I loved him.
He was badly behaved; an absolute terror, who never learned to walk on a lead and even three days before he went he was attempting to grab an entire loaf in its wrapper off the worktop, or munch on a complete pack of bourbon biscuits. I wouldn't have had him any other way. He was loyal, devoted, and he made me smile. He was everything to me.
Canine lymphoma is a nasty, vicious disease. My vet said it usually takes the good ones, but I'm still angry. He was too lovely to go so soon - he was only 5. I can't help but feel that God has made a terrible mistake.
The only explanation is that my baby was an angel, lent to me for a while, and that God wanted him back.
Sleep well, my darling. I love you.
Jacob Tobolowsky, 2006-2012
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