Bipolar Headache

It's 5am in the morning and I can't sleep.

I was already having trouble when I decided to take two Abilify (my usual dose -- I'd just been laying off them lately), and now I have an absolutely blinding headache which I think is the result of too much dopamine or something. Flashing lights, pains in my temples -- the works.

So much for sleep.

***

In other news, I have decided to cancel my membership to MDF The Bipolar Organisation. Their last magazine had a picture from a TV soap on the front, which always has nasty little story lines about a bipolar character. Clearly the MDF support Eastenders depicting the character in this way, and I think that sucks.

The latest story line really upsets me, and I think they have gone too far, so I am canceling my membership as soon as they open in the morning.

Nothing to see here

Yesterday was the eighth anniversary of my dad's death, and I got through it unscathed.
I remembered him, as always, fondly and with love.
But I do that every day.
The anniversary just comes with the painful memories of me screaming the place down as the police told me he was gone...

And, also, he who left me's birthday yesterday too. But I blog that coincidence crap every year.

***

In other news, kids are driving me up the wall. Even the one who doesn't live here is putting in her two-penny worth, with her personal dramas.
And number two daughter has a psychological assessment on Monday, to see if she needs any help or not.
I think they will say she is just a bit of a drama queen too.

Can't imagine where they get it from.

***

I have been in correspondence via email with the Samaritans for a number of days now, as I wanted somewhere to discuss my rather bad case of fear -- I seem to be terrified of everything.
But they have turned it into a discussion about suicide, and now I feel worse than ever -- I didn't realise how well-formed my plans were until now.

I think if I had a gun I'd be dead right now.

Way to go Samaritans.