Some kinds of madness are intractable even for the shortest time -- there is no respite at all, and therefore no time for any insight in to ones situation.
My madness, on the other hand, allows one breaks of varying durations, when one can look back with-- with what? Horror? Embarrassment? Shame? Mortification? If one is lucky, with amusement. When one can look back on ones words and actions and see them as being the result of ones illness. That is insight.
But which would I rather?
The periods of 'sanity' when I am relatively in charge of my own mind, even in the knowledge that those periods mean I have to face the things I've said and done?
Or no sanity, and never having to come face to face with my own madness?
How about having to do it over and over again?
It's a funny old game.
***
Being on medication reminds me of being an alcoholic.
Each time it fails it's like going right back to the beginning, even though it's not really your fault.
"My name is Betty and I'm bipolar. I've been sane for 3 days."
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Some days I feel like Betty Blue. Other days it's more like Betty Boop.
