I think I realised today _finally_ that it doesn't get any better -- that I'll always be alone, so really it's just a question of deciding when and how I go rather than deciding if I go.
It's not that I don't want to be with anyone else, or I can't find anyone -- I can't be with anyone else. So there really is no decision to make.
The decision is made.
End of, as my kids would say.
***
I first found my birth mother fourteen years ago tomorrow, on her birthday.
***
It was a couple of years after that I last saw her.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Dark Days
I feel pretty crappy at the moment.
It might be the result of dark mornings and ever darkening evenings. I might have to invest in a light box -- my psychiatrist seems to think that it will help. Its not seasonal affective disorder, but he says bipolars suffer similarly at this time of year.
I can't bring myself to take the last of he who left me's stuff to the tip.
He might be hating me for some presumed misdemeanour, but I still can't do it. So I'm stuck with it. I don't fancy having it delivered to him and opening up that particular can of worms. Storage is too expensive.
So until I figure out what else I can do with it, I'm stuck with it.
It might be the result of dark mornings and ever darkening evenings. I might have to invest in a light box -- my psychiatrist seems to think that it will help. Its not seasonal affective disorder, but he says bipolars suffer similarly at this time of year.
I can't bring myself to take the last of he who left me's stuff to the tip.
He might be hating me for some presumed misdemeanour, but I still can't do it. So I'm stuck with it. I don't fancy having it delivered to him and opening up that particular can of worms. Storage is too expensive.
So until I figure out what else I can do with it, I'm stuck with it.
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