Filthy Lucre

I couldn't feel worse.

Which is a shame, considering I've just come home from a holiday that was supposed to make me feel better.

But then I wasn't expecting to find a letter telling me I owe £6500.

At the moment I am pretty suicidal, not taking my pills, and expecting to go to prison if I don't pay it (which I can't -- I simply don't have the money).

And my brother asked if I was feeling relaxed after my break.

I soon put him straight.

Daughter number one is coming home from uni to see what she can do, but in truth I don't think there is much she can do.
She says she will find out what is going on, and why I apparently owe the money, but I don't think it will change a thing.

And I don't think I can live with a £6500 debt hanging over my head, which only leaves one option; one way out.

All is Quiet...

... on New Year's Day.

One of the most peaceful New Year's I've ever had.

Thank God for my medication.

So how the stupid head local psychiatrist can call my meds eccentric and say she won't be responsible for me while I'm on them is beyond me.
At least my GP is supportive, but it means there is going to be no CPN support, and so no help with my agoraphobia. Any thing that I want doing about it is going to have to come from me.

So no change there then.

***

I am missing he who left me lots at the moment. I don't know why that should be the case. Maybe because I am thinking it is about time I got rid of the last of his stuff -- something about the last of him being gone, or maybe a bit of sadness about chucking out his pc. I wondered if it was guilt, but it isn't -- it's been sat here for 3 years, and he knew where it was, if he wanted it.

***

New Year's Resolution is, as usual, to lose weight.

That, and to kick this agoraphobia in the teeth once and for all.