Beyond Economical Repair

Three months ago I met someone.

He says he likes me. A lot.

He's bright, funny, clever, interesting, sexy, helpful, and he likes me. A lot.

But I can't do it.

I can't do the whole connectedness thing.

Any time we show any signs of any real connection, I switch off. I can't believe he won't just run away. I can't believe he will still be there in the (metaphorical) morning. I can't believe its all for real. Maybe I don't want to believe it's for real, I don't know, but it's not happening. So I tell him I need space, and to leave me alone for a bit, and I'll text him when I feel better, which I have no intention of doing.

And I'm not blaming He Who Left Me entirely; God knows I wasn't without damage before I met him. But now I am incapable of being with anyone; relationship-wise, I am beyond economical repair.

Now thats a scary thought -- the prospect of life alone. Life alone when you just haven't met the right person is one thing, but life alone when you know there never will be -- never can be -- a right one, is entirely a different thing.

How long can I endure a life like that?

How long do I want to endure a life like that?

Beta male heart throbs?

Interesting article here about the attraction of the beta male, those less than alpha specimens that we can't help falling for.

I've known for a long time that I'm not attracted to the macho sort, out for saving a woman in distress; frankly I find them rather laughable, and it isn't that I don't often find myself in distress. I just don't see myself as being saved.

But clearly there are women who would never consider going out with anything other than the alpha male. No beta (or omega) types for them.

So what is it that defines the types we go for? How do I differ from the woman who goes for the alpha? Is it a maternal thing -- I want to care, she wants to be cared for? Or a deprivation thing -- I can't be cared for?
Or maybe I just like men who can't tie their own shoe laces.

Who knows?